A Quarantine Love Affair

Originally posted on May 20, 2020 on medium.com/@shamandao

Photo by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash

Thanks, Medium for sending me my first and only quarantine love. I mean, seriously, we had a thing. You see, he found me through my Medium articles. He wrote an email to me and then it began. This torrid love affair. Complete with love poems (he’s a poet from Iran) and spiritual releasements (because he is also a spiritual healer). I should also be thanking Source and the Universe considering you sent me a 6’1 package complete with heartbreak.

Okay, my heart wasn’t completely broken, but bruised. This could have been the journey of another 90 day fiance season complete with K-1 visas. But I digress, I do love partaking in that trainwreck of a show though.

Two months of quarantine in different countries. Two months of video calls, text messages, love poems, two hours of spiritual talks, and psychic visions where we both saw the same vision.

It was and still is because even though we do not communicate in this form and fashion anymore, we still bless each other for our roles in our growth. He was my mirror and I was his.

Both of us were a clean and clear reflection of our deepest and darkest parts of ourselves that we massively hated about ourselves. Hated with a capital, ‘H.’ This could be considered a twin flame relationship but we never labeled ourselves or had ‘the’ talk. Deep down inside we knew this was more than a buddy, buddy friendship.

We both knew that our meeting was not a coincidence.

Only when the student is ready, the teacher will show up.

He taught a particular Iranian healing modality to his five to six students every week. I taught releasement exercises and ancient teachings to my two students.

Both of us spiritual teachers in our ways. Amid the pain and hurt felt by both of us in this quarantine love affair, we became each other’s teachers.

He triggered me in subtle ways that I could feel my emotional state become imbalanced. I could feel emotions inside of me want to react instead of respond. I could feel the pain rising within me and I let it. I let it rise.

To heal, one must feel.

I spent the entire morning and afternoon yesterday in complete silence. I opened my heart and soul up to the heavens and quietly asked for guidance. The emotions inside of me wanted to be released as I closed my eyes for the first part of my self-hypnosis.

As I directed my attention to the feeling in my body, I allowed it to become stronger and stronger. I detached myself from it and spoke to it in the third person. My Iranian poet was only a scratch on the surface as I dove headfirst in regression to the first time I felt this anger.

I was just a little girl. A lovely and bubbly little girl whose innocence was taken away from her too soon. The layers of anger laid underneath the sadness which compounded my entire life.

We come undone in layers because we are built in layers.

There was a lot of pain felt yesterday that vibrated from within to each layer of my esoteric fields. I let it go. There was a lot of pain staying and being with the poet because of self healing obstacles we needed to overcome by ourselves. I let him go.

The stars aligned for us to meet, me and the Iranian poet. There were too many synchronicities to list and not enough space within me to allow him in. Actually, there is space within me. There is a lot of space within me after I let go of the parts of me that weighed me down. There is not enough credit to him on a conscious level to be allowed in. We met to learn from each other, to show each other what we both needed to work on to elevate ourselves.

Who knows, maybe somewhere in our futures we will cross physical paths in a world where quarantines aren’t mandatory. Or when we could look deep into each other’s eyes without feeling the pain of our inner selves because we dug deep to let go.

If we pushed for something more, there would be more resistance, more pain, and/or more hurt. But if we just take it for what it was, detached ourselves from it and allowed for it to play out the way we did, then we both have come out as winners. Two students and two teachers, both ready and willing to learn.

In Blessed Oneness.