Do You, Darling.

Originally posted on Jan 23, 2020 on medium.com/@shamandao

You deserve it.

Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

To those of you awakening to the infinite truths inside of you. To those of you who are becoming conscious of choices and the effects they have on every aspect of life. To those of you who feel all alone in your transformations because your family, friends, colleagues do not understand, this story is for you.

“Those who matter won’t mind, and those who do don’t matter.” Dr. Seuss

I know how you feel because I’ve been there, I am still there. Almost five years after quitting my normal life to walk my spiritual path, there are members of my family who still do not understand why or how I do what I do.

And that’s okay.

It’s taken years for some of them to understand and grasp the intangible I’ve spoken so brazenly about at family gatherings. I wanted them to understand yet at the same time, I wasn’t able to understand what was happening with me. How could I expect someone else to understand?

That was a life lesson in itself.

Some of my family members used to have the same beliefs like many people I know and have met. If they could not see it, touch it, feel it or hear it, it did not exist.

Family members aside, even if was a friend, a colleague or a stranger. Whatever the case, if the person in front of you is not on the same frequency, most likely it will be difficult to comprehend what the other is saying.

Sometimes it’s better to stop wanting or needing approval and just do you.

“I’m standing by column J at arrivals,” I texted my brother, John, as I waited for him to pick me up from Austin’s airport. My puffer coat was too hot for this humidity, even in December, but it still felt good to be here for the holidays.

I spotted his black Subaru weave around the pile up of cars from columns A to H. His hand waved at me with a huge smile on his face.

“Wow, this column is empty compared to the other columns with people, you’re pretty lucky,” he said as he loaded my one carry-on and backpack. Is it luck? I thought as I winked at him. John knew about my stories of cashing out my karmic bank account, but this was one of the first times he was witness to the phenomenon my soul family calls, “Carol karma.”

It was around four thirty in the afternoon which meant rush hour and gridlock traffic. None of which came about that day because there was a smooth combination of highway and back roads. Winding back roads that took us through rural homes and farms. I loved looking at the cow pastures and horses.

As we approached John’s neighborhood, I noticed a head peak over a hill to the right in between two rural homes. Another head peaked over the hill. Both animals came forward to show themselves as John’s car slowed down for the dip in the road.

“Hello!” I said through the rolled-up car window to the two black wild boars in broad daylight. I whispered a silent thank you, to the heavens above as John yelled, “Wild boars!”

John couldn’t believe what he just saw. “I have never seen a wild boar here in Austin, ever. Let alone two,” John said. “They don’t show themselves during the day, Carol, they don’t…” he continued as we pulled into his neighborhood.

“What are the chances they would show themselves in broad daylight while I’m here with you, John?” I asked him. He shook his head in disbelief as I hugged him. We ventured inside to see my ten-month-old niece and family. It was going to be a good holiday season for the Dao’s.

“Carol, I spoke to my colleague about what we saw the first day you were here. He’s a hunter, born and raised. He said they never come out during the day. They’re always hiding. He’s never seen one during the day when he has gone hunting….” John said last night on my last evening in Austin.

It’s been a wonderful six weeks here, but it was time for me to go.

I listened to my older brother speak to me about his thoughts, beliefs and worries at eleven o’clock last night. I listened to him tell me for the first time since my transformation that he believed in me. I listened to him, but more importantly, I felt his words. They carried weight. He was finally beginning to believe, a mere five years later.

Five years? A-Okay in my book, actually, it was better than okay. I was elated because I knew we were all on different timelines. I could have cried but exhaustion overtook me instead. I excused myself to pack for my 4am wakeup call and 6am flight when I heard him in the living room.

“Carol, Carol! You have to come out here,” John’s quietly yelled not to disturb my niece, “The doll in the painting is crying.”

“What?”

“Come here, she’s crying. I went to grab my beer and look,” he pointed as I walked into the living room.

Hung on the wall was their black and white picture of a doll with large black eyes. This painting was the creepiest and largest one in the living room. A painting my entire family didn’t like.

I was indifferent to it.

Sure enough, starting from the inside corner of her left eye was a tear that ran down her nose. My brother looked at me, “No, I mean, no way? Really? Seriously? It wasn’t there before, this line…” I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s starting exactly from the corner of inside her eye!”

John licked his finger and rubbed it off the tear before I had a chance to take a picture of it.

“Does that mean she’s a good spirit then, Carol? If she’s crying, and you’re our protector, then she’s a good entity, right?” John asked me.

Now it was my turn to cry. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined having a conversation about spirits and entities with my brother, but here we were. Immense joy filled up my body as we spoke about the painting, creepy goosebumps aside.

“Or would that mean she’s sad because she knows where you’re going and what is happening with you?” he continued. Once again, I shrugged my shoulders. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, especially with the ones you love.

“Hey John, isn’t it interesting that you picked me up when I landed and we saw the boars. Tonight, is my last night and we’re together again, this time with your painting that cried? Isn’t that strange to you?”

“Carol, I’ve always believed you had abilities, I do, but I don’t understand it. I don’t think I want to know the specifics of what you do, just that you’re protected and you’re doing good. I just know that I love you and you’re doing good, Carol,” he replied.

John gave me permission to write this story last night before I left and write I did. I didn’t leave with sadness in my heart but with more courage and faith in my own path. The fire that has burned inside of me roared last night with my brother’s belief instilled in me.

I used to seek acceptance and belief outside of myself when what I really needed to do was to believe in myself. The more I sought outside of myself, the more resistance I felt. I pushed against the natural state of Universal flow.

Instead, I became the flow.

The Universe’s signs and miracles were now on display to those around me as they began to become aware of all the magic around them. As I believed in my own magic, they began to believe in magic too. They began to believe in me.

The compounding of their belief is not one of pressure but more of a light hearted, soulful truth they are understanding about themselves. It has taken some time to get here but they can take all the time they need. They were never afraid of me; they were only afraid of themselves. I was just their mirror.

There will be some people who drop off as you ascend higher and that’s okay because we are all on different timelines. Some will eventually follow as they figure out their own truths and others will stay where they’re at. All okay.

Go inward to flow outward. Do you. Go inward to discover your truth. Love others from afar as you heal yourself because, “Those who matter won’t mind, and those who do don’t matter.”

Your vibe will attract your tribe. Vibrate higher and trust that those who are meant to be in your life will ascend with you or catch up with you later. Trust that there are lessons to be learned in every single relationship in your life.

The more you heal yourself, you will heal others. That my darlings, is one of the Universal laws of life.

Blessed be.