An End For A Beginning

Originally posted on Nov 7, 2019 on medium.com/@shamandao

Flo by Carol Dao

I woke up this morning and didn’t try to make much noise to wake up, you were already gone. Your stuff was still here, your scent from the sheets still lingered.

I knew going into this would be difficult after our time would be cut short due to my travel schedule, but I cried for you last night when I walked into my apartment without you. I cry now as I type this. They say writing is healing and I need all the healing and love right now at this moment.

I wrote an article about you when you first arrived, What To Expect When You’re Not Looking, because I wasn’t looking for you, you sought me. I remember the first time I saw you, that tiny bag of bones with beady little brown eyes, I knew that I needed to give you a home and more attention than you were receiving at the dog shelter. I made a decision to take you home for two weeks and get you as healthy as I could, in the time we were given.

I knew it would be difficult, ‘It’s your first time,’ another dog foster mom told me, ‘it’s normal,’ after I texted her I can’t stop crying.

It took two weeks for your outer suit to match your inner soul. A soul which wanted to live after dodging parvo, a highly contagious virus.

Parvo causes an infectious gastrointestinal (GI) illness in puppies and young dogs, and without treatment, it is potentially deadly. Part of what makes the virus so dangerous is the ease with which it is spread through the canine population.

You dodged it, my dear Flo and survived even though everyone at the shelter thought you wouldn’t make it, you pulled through! Then I came along and scooped you up into my arms and sat with you as the electric healing light from the heavens channeled from my hands and into your small body.

And when it came to feeding time that day, I sat behind you and egged you on to eat. I could feel your happiness as my energy wrapped around you and you felt safe.

Do you remember when we walked into the gates of the other foster family’s home last night? You had a crew waiting for you, another puppy waiting to go to Switzerland, another doggie waiting to go to Chicago and they were all so happy to see you and all of them wanting to meet you. You didn’t hug me tighter, but felt loose and limp in my arms, ready to go down to play, you were ready.

“Has she been dewormed? She has a pretty big belly,” the foster dad asked me as he looked at Flo’s sweater on top of her puppy belly. As the other foster mom explained that Flo had already had all of her shots and check ups, I pulled out my phone and showed him the picture of when I first received Flo.

“So she just has a big puppy belly!” he exclaimed and smiled.

“Maybe I just gave her too much love in the form of food at one point,” I responded and we all laughed.

In a developing country, where dogs are still feared because of old traditions. Foster families are few and far in between, ‘it’s pretty bleak out there,’ the one and only foster family I found told me after I told her I needed someone to take care of Flo as I prepared to leave back to the States for winter.

I never thought in a million years I would become a foster mom, but I was and am. Flo came to me at a time when I was putting together a schedule for my personal assistant, who is still waiting on instructions from me. My life has and is aligning in every single sector as I am in synch with the Universal flow. I do not make any plans or dates too far out in advance, as when in flow, you just allow.

Allow.

Accept.

Release.

I was so grateful to see video messages of Flo playing with the Switzerland puppy, Cheeky, who is three times her size but only two months older than her this morning. 7am shenanigans with her new crew. It’s also one of the foster family’s other dogs adoptiversary, they’re going to have a small party today, complete with individual bones to gnaw on.

“It’s normal, it’s your first time,” she reassured me as I messaged her back after I watched the videos five times.

“She was great in the night. Not a peep. Used the potty pad,” she answered me before I had the chance to ask.

Atta girl, Flo, Mommy taught you well.

An ending of a space of time, an experience, a chapter does not mean there is nothing next, but it signals the beginning of new experiences, spaces of time and a new chapter or even a whole new book.

Flo survived a deadly disease to be fostered by me. In the time we spent together, I was able to find her forever home in Texas and also secure her a flight volunteer in December to bring her from Kosovo to Texas. The latter the hardest part.

It just so happens that I will be in Texas the day she lands, to pick her up, to bring her to meet and hang with the Dao’s and then wait to deliver her to her forever home.

They say writing is healing and my God, it absolutely is. Instead of feeling sad, I am feeling hopeful and grateful for all that was given and all there is. There is no ending in sight as her life is now one continuous karmic filled road with blessings, light and love from all those she has touched.

Flo, do you remember our mantra the first morning you woke up in my apartment? I said it for you, but understood it was for both of us.

“Show the world you’re a lion,” I told her as I videoed her to introduce to my world.

And that she is, that we are, that you are.

P.s. I’ll always love you.

Blessed be.